October 21, 2005
The Unabridged Version
I finally figured it out. So many people have acted like we conservatives and libertarians don’t properly understand the Constitution. I’ve finally figured out why. We’ve been reading the abridged version!
I’ve discovered that there is an unabridged version, distributed only to liberals. I was rummaging through my left-wing, pinko commie neighbor’s trash, and found his copy!
Here are some of the differences:
Amendment 1.5: Nothing in the preceding text is construed to protect the speech of citizens regarding their elected officials within 60 days of an election. Further, any speech considered in any way offensive to members of non-protected classes (i.e. everyone except white males) is not protected. Last, the prohibitions of promoting the “establishment” of religion refers to “the Establishment”, i.e. “the Man”. Since the recognized Establishment (i.e. “the Man”) in this country is Christian, only the Christian religion is prohibited in public matters.
Amendment 4.5: All people enjoy a right to privacy. However, this privacy only applies to what is done within ones own uterus. One has no enjoyment of privacy with the substances one may consume. One does not enjoy a “right” to smoke tobacco, in public or private. Private thougths deemed offensive to members of protected classes are similarly not acceptable, and can be prosecuted as “hate crimes” if necessary. In fact, all activities outside of abortion are not considered private, and are thus subject to the regulation of Government.
Amendment 5.5: As with Amendment 4.5, “private property” is legitimately the domain of Government to control its use and seize if necessary. Any requirement of “public use” simply means whatever the Congress, state Legislature, or local Government wish it to mean.
Amendment 9.5: “The people” shall be held to mean Congress, the elected representatives of the people. The enumeration of powers in the Constitution is not intended as a limit on powers of the Congress.
Amendment 10.5: As with Amendment 9.5, any rights not expressly granted to the United States is held to exist within the States or the Congress, with deference always given to the wishes of the Congress.
As always, I hope this helps. Perhaps with the full text, we can finally understand what these liberals have been talking about all these years!
Ogre's Politics & Views linked with Unabridged Constitution
The Path Less Traveled linked with The Unabridged Constitution
Josh's Weblog linked with The Unabridged Constitution
Eric's Grumbles Before The Grave linked with Interesting Reading
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Interesting Reading
A quick roundup of some interesting posts and news stories. First up, Brad Warbiany notes that we who don’t believe in the “living constitution” just haven’t seen the unabridged version. Amendment 1.5: Nothing in the preceding text is construed to…
Amendment 2.7: The “people” in Amendment 2, above, are The People Who Populate The National Guard, not private individuals. Furthermore, arms that are frightening in appearance to the Protected Classes are not permitted; No Arms shall be beared or owned within 10,000 miles of any city with a population higher than 100,000 by any entity except those licensed by the States or the Federal Government.
The Unabridged Constitution
The Unrepentant Individual has discovered that many of us have been using an abridged Constitution, which has lead to confusion. He presents to us parts of the The Unabidged Version: Amendment 1.5: Nothing in the preceding text is construed to…
[...] 5
The Unabridged Constitution
by Ben @ 10:30 pm. Filed under Journal
The Unabridged Constitution (Note: this is a quote from the link above. I d [...]
Unabridged Constitution
The unabridged version of the U.S. Constitution?
Amendment 4.5 amuses me, for I find that it is a decidedly conservative notion that we have no right to privacy in the substances we consume in the privacy of our homes or what we do or do not do in the privacy of our bedrooms.
Similarly, conservatives would whole-heartedly and whole-hog approve 5.5, 9.5, and 10.5. The Republican Party has no qualms about expanding and asserting the powers of the federal government (re: Patriot Act, etc).
Sam, you know that I only find a slight coalition with the Republican Party. They certainly don’t mind finding ways to spend my money and steal my freedoms, they just lie about it instead of declaring it outright like the Democrats. So in no way am I disagreeing with you on this. I have nothing in common with the Moral Majority.
The Republicans and Democrats have different goals about what they want to keep us from putting into our bodies. Republicans are anti-drug, Democrats are anti-smoking and anti-junk-food. The difference is that Republicans think drugs are immoral (paternalistic), and Democrats just think smoking and junk food is bad for you and will cost more for the state to provide you health care (maternalistic).
As some people have said before, the Republican Party is for people looking for a strict father, and the Democratic Party is for people looking for a nurturing mother. The Libertarians are the only ones who care to be treated like adults.