December 28, 2005
In today’s email…
Got this one from a coworker…
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Dog & Cat Diaries
From a Dog’s Daily Diary:
8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30 am – Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40 am – Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
10:00 am – Oh Boy! Getting petted! My favorite!
11:30 am – Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
Noon – Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
4:00 pm – Oh Boy! To the Park! My Favorite!
5:00 pm – Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Pretty Mums! My Favorite!
6:00 pm – Oh Boy! Playing Ball! My Favorite!
6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Watching TV with my Master! My Favorite!
8:30 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in Master’s Bed! My Favorite!
From a Cat’s Daily Diary:
Day 483 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh food while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am ! capable of and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell of food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of “allergies.” I must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time…
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The difference between a dog and a cat:
You pet a dog, and he thinks, “Wow, this person’s so nice to me. He must be God.”
You pet a cat, and he thinks, “Wow, this person’s so nice to me. I must be God.”